Psalm 23 #sol20

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

I don't like the way this feels
We need to get you upstairs for a mammogram and ultrasound

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:

he leadeth me beside the still waters.

he restoreth my soul:

I stroke my grandmother's hand,
pull out my phone to look up Psalm 23.  
She was hooked up to oxygen, 
taking short, choppy breaths.  
Her body was resting as best it could 
while the internal struggle to let go was progressing.

He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness

for His name’s sake.

The technician had everything positioned just right
Don't breathe 
beep, beep, beep 
Breathe
Don't breathe
beep, beep, beep
breathe

Yea, though I walk through the valley

of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil:

for thou art with me;

thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Do you remember when you used to give me perms?
They always lasted forever.
My friends were jealous.
I always loved your fried chicken
and mashed potatoes with the white gravy.

Thou preparest a table before me

in the presence of mine enemies;

The warm gel oozed onto my skin
The pressure of the probe
searching, hunting
Fingers on the keyboard
shift, click
readjusting
shift, click
Let me confer with the radiologist

Thou anointest my head with oil;

my cup runneth over.

As each minute passed I reassured her
Linda is on her way
She will be here soon

Surely goodness and mercy

shall follow me all the days of my life:

There is a small mass
We need to schedule a biopsy

And I will dwell in the house

of the Lord forever.

My mom walked through the door
We hugged
She made it to see my grandma through

Cancer

You stole my peace
The ability to inhale a full breath
And release it without a weight on my shoulder
You're always there
Reminding me of the what ifs
You have taken away the freedom of forever
The idea that I could still be here at 98
You have replaced the ifs to when
Will it be 3 years, 10 or more
I feel you inside like a sleeping monster
Knowing that someday you will wake up
To wreck havoc in my life
But, wait...
You are with me in the fire, in the storm
I am never alone
You're fighting my battles while I sleep
You're protecting me
I take a deep breath of your Spirit
And feel the peace you bring
My dependence is on you
The what ifs diminish when I know you
Are with me every step